Let’s talk about fear- the fear that keeps you shackled.
Do you know it’s there? Do you recognize it when you see it?
Here’s an exercise that can help us ferret it out:
Think about your life. It’s true that not every question on this list is necessarily motivated by fear, but it’s important to realize that every one of them *can be*- and the same is true with the choices we make that look good/right.
What makes you angry?
What people, places, or things do you avoid?
In which areas of your life are you more likely to meet people with your fist, rather than your open hand? How do you view God?
Where have you set your boundaries?
Where have you failed to set boundaries?
How’s your self-control?
Are you critical or judgmental?
Do you struggle with depression and/or anxiety?
How do you treat your money?
In which areas of your life are you loud?
In which are you quiet?
How do you talk to yourself?
How do you take care of your body?
What are you a staunch supporter of?
What are your pet peeves?
What words can you not tolerate hearing?
What conversations will you absolutely not take part in?
Do your kids do anything the really bothers you?
What’s your relationship with your emotions?
How do you treat your past?
How do your view your future?
How honest are you able to be with yourself when answering these questions? Am I making you uncomfortable? Did you react strongly or shut down at any particular question I asked?
If you’re able to engage with it, an excellent follow-up question is “why? Why am I like that? Why do I do that?”
Some possibilities to explore are:
Does this or that stem from something generational you inherited?
Do you respond/react a certain way because of how you were treated?
Do you deal with ___ because of how you’re built?
Is it some tangled mess of all three?
If you’re up for some rooting around in your psyche, then you could take any of these questions and use it as a prompt to write from. In case you’re not familiar with writing from a prompt, it's a simple exercise, though not necessarily easy. Sit down with a pen and paper, write down the prompt you're going to use, and then write down everything that comes to mind. Every. single. thing. The good, the bad, the ugly. It might feel really uncomfortable, it might be really cringey. You may think some things you absolutely don't approve of or would never want to admit... write them down.
The goal is to practice being a witness to all the thoughts and feelings without judging them. It will feel really scary if you believe you will be judged for them, and that fear will try to stop you from doing this exercise, but the truth is that we are safe. The truth is that healing begins when we can honestly acknowledge our experiences, and the thoughts and emotions that go with them. The truth is that we have the power to hear and see ourselves with compassion and love. The truth is that not only is there hope for more freedom and a better future, but that that hope applies to us, too.