Joy and Responsibility
Just do it?
So where does "being in alignment with joy" fit in when it comes to the stuff we have to do but don’t want to do? The stuff we literally need to, or even dare I say should do? Or what if we find ourselves in a negative situation that we cannot do anything about? What about aligning with joy then?
These are two different questions, one being "how does joy relate to our responsibilities?" and the other being "what about joy when it comes to suffering?"
Both questions I think have the same answer, but differ in flavor.
In this post we'll talk about "what about being in alignment with joy when it comes to the things I don't really want to do? What about the more unpleasant things I'm responsible for? We all have to deal with those sometimes, don't we?"
Short answer: yes.
Answer more reflective of the truth:
God has designed us each to do particular jobs (a), placing in us the interests, curiosities, and desires to inspire us and give us momentum down the path of doing them. This is why humans can feel fulfilled by the work that they do – a tool that's doing the job it was designed to do is a happy tool*! (Conversely, a tool trying to do a job it wasn't made for is a frustrated and very possibly depressed tool, believing that there's something inherently wrong with it, because shouldn't it love its job?)
However, even when we're doing things we love, there will always be unpleasant things we'll have to deal with. But if we enjoy the jobs we're doing, then we can also take joy in the unpleasant tasks they involve, just because they serve the greater yes (b)–though that can absolutely take practice and perspective-shifting.
If I'm finding myself chronically not enjoying things that are my responsibility, then here are the questions I ask:
1. Is this thing actually my responsibility? Or am I inappropriately taking responsibility for something that's not mine to care for? Am I misguidedly saying yes to things that aren't meant for me?
The issues on the table could range anywhere from actual tasks, to physical things, to emotions. Answering these questions can get sticky sometimes because many of us are people pleasers, and the feelings of should, our fear of being perceived as selfish, and our genuine desire to be helpful drive an enormous amount of our behavior. But if we can take a good look at why we're taking responsibility for the things we are, then we can cull the things that don't belong to us, and really reconnect to the why of the things that do. Why do we "start with why," as Simon Sinek says? Because that is where the joy is found. When we come to the why behind a responsibility and it isn't aligned with joy, it's time to reassess and recalibrate.
2. Do I need to tweak how I execute this responsibility? Are my tools, resources, and methods of communication in my work functioning well and supporting my (and others') joy? Or is my operation clunky and lacking functionality, causing me frustration and draining my joy and energy?
3. Is there something going on in me that is stopping me from being able to enjoy this responsibility, or some aspect thereof? What kind of history do I have with the responsibility in question? Was it one where I experienced neglect or some other kind of hurt in my formative years? Were the examples I saw of this thing being handled by the adults in my life negative and stressful? Was I expected to handle this responsibility without being equipped to do so, and fearful of punishment if I did not?
Answering these questions and doing this kind of inner work is easier said than done because of the tangled webs that are often woven around our sense of responsibility, and our often deeply-ingrained, learned habit of betraying ourselves. But! This is not the kind of work that demands to be done overnight. That's what fear presenting as perfectionism demands.
Instead we can practice asking the questions and showing up for ourselves and the things that truly belong to us bit by bit, and every step counts. We are worthy of enjoying our work.
a "Nothing is better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw, was from the hand of God." Ecclesiastes 2:24, in which I find a lovely reflection of the creation story, and God enjoying his work and calling it "good," "good," and "very good."
*Am I calling us tools? Maybe. Take it how you will.
b "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is now sitting at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2 (emphases mine)
Chewing on the idea of joy:
A Hard Slog Through Lack in Search of Abundance